My wife killed my bike dream

[justaguy]

Hello to you all.

I am angry, very angry at my wife, and I have this strong, compelling feeling to share this with you all in the hopes that I will find solace, or understanding, or even some advice regarding my situation.

I am very angry at my wife.

I have never met anyone who owned a BMW and didn't wanted to have one since childhood or their teenage years. I was 14 when I first saw one and ever since I dreamed about owning one.

BMW GS, having one is like having a license to live. There is absolutely nothing like it, I know. And to be the first rider is like to be the first man ever to have sex with an exquisite exotic beauty. That's how I see owning a BMW GS.

Back then, however, I couldn't even afford the dirt of the wheel of a second hand BMW, so a new one was out of the picture. But I made it my dream.

My dream sent me out of my city looking for money and a better life, and just when I put together enough money to buy a new BMW, my mother got sick and...well...it was the right thing to do to spend the money where it was needed. I was in my early 20s when that happened.

It took me a while to recover financially, but when I had enough money again (plenty, for that matter) I was in my late 20s and it was time to buy property.

I am now in my mid 30s. House has been paid off. I am free of any debt whatsoever, and I have enough money to buy not one, but 2 brand new BMWs GS1200. So, for the third time, I decided to give it a go.

Today I had an argument with my wife about something else, and she had to mentioned that "we were going to get you what you wanted". That was out of the blue and had little to do with our argument. It was mean and directed at hurting me, at making me suffer. It was more a threat than a way to win an argument, which, if you are interested, was regarding whether we should buy property to rent it or not (again, we have enough cash to also buy property without a mortgage and a couple of BMWs).

It is interesting to point out that I did made the bulk of all the money we have, and that only recently she made more than 50% of my salary. Technically speaking, I could split our savings in half, buy my damn bike and she could not open her mouth about it. In fact, she should very much be thankful because of my generosity.

What really hurted me is discovering that my wife can, did, and probably will use this "but we got you your bike" argument against me in the future. And I also wonder how much patience I will have, or how long our marriage will last shall she take that road.

She decorated our place. She has way, by far, more shoes and clothes than me. We both have good PCs, phones, and all in all I have nothing better than her. I believe I have been extremedly generous towards her in many ways more than the financial one, and she knew very well how important was for me to own that bike. Now, if I buy it, chances are it will be used against me.


She asked me to go to bed with her and hold her, and to be frank I can't find in my heart any feeling of wanting to do so. At this moment she is like someone I've never met, because I honestly cannot believe she could be capable of doing something like this to my dream.

I wanted that bike since I was 14, more than 10 years before I even met her, and she managed to ruin it...

...or maybe she won't. Maybe I will buy the bike anyways and wait for the first time she decides to open her trap about it. Wait for the first time she says "but we got you whatever you wanted" so I can ride solo. Wait to see how much her smart argument is worth when she is divorced and alone.

I am still in my mid 30s, I am still educated and I am not that ugly to look at, specially after I buy that BMW R 1200 GS and I ride it anywhere I please. I am fit and I am a good guy. Whatever money a divorce cost will be remake because I believe in me and my ability to make money. I have showed her in the past that nothing separates me from my dreams, and even provided evindence of me realizing dreams I had as a child, such as living in Asia or buying a home before my 30th birthday. She should know better than to even phantom the idea that she would prevail after trying to destroy my dreams.

I really don't know what to do from this point, as we had been a very happy couple thus far. I also don't think she understands or realizes the amount of damage she has truly caused.

I wanted to post my feelings here because I know only a biker community like this one will understand the dream of owning such a bike.

I don't know what I want from you guys, but if you feel like it go ahead and write whatever you want. Then I plan to let her read this whole post and see what happens.

At this point, I truly don't care.

[malmac]

Hi

Read your post.

I have a 2008 1200 Adventure and I have a wife.

Life without the bike would be a bit sad, life without my wife would be devastating and beyond words.

What should you do?

Well that is up to you, but go down to the BMW shop and see if they have a suitable replacement for your wife - might put the matter into some perspective.

Mal


PS. I have beeen through a divorce so have travelled that road. All the best.

[gsMark]

I am new to this forum, but I would like to express my oppinion about your personal drama.

I am married, too, and my wife knows better than putting me in a position of choosing between her or something else, whatever that might be. Why? Simply because I consider that to be "emotional terrorism".

If you are with someone who doesn't approve of your life choices, you are definitely with the wrong person. You WILL end up miserable (as you seem to be now) AND/OR divorced. This is not about who is right, but about people getting together and then trying to change the other person. It never worked before, and it won't work now, not because people don't change, but because change only occurs from within oneself and can not be started at the will of someone else.

But in all fairness and from what I can read your wife didn't ask you to choose but instead she began using the old "look what I have done for you" technique for winning arguments. I can't begin to explain to you how short is my fuse when it comes to that kind of manipulation. Again, my own wife knows better than trying to attack me in such a low, childish, shameless and insulting way. *I am sorry if I am getting a bit emotional myself but I have been there and I know how that feels*

Like the previous poster wrote, you can't get a new wife in a BMW dealership, but maybe you don't need one. I rather be alone than with someone who tries to manipulate you in such a low way. If she uses this way to argue, and if she wins, she will keep doing so, so I don't think you are considering "whether" to divorce her but "when".

Just my two cents. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

[mikec]

Good morning,

I’m an old guy…63 years of age and married to the same lady for 42 years. We’ve seen bad times, good times, births, deaths, war (Well, me anyway.), and serious health issues. Not once in all those years did my wife ever take the position of "we were going to get you what you wanted." Also, I’ve never taken that stance with my wife. No offense intended, but that is a child-like statement. Dedicated couples don’t do that for two reasons: love and respect for each other.

I sincerely hope you and your wife will get more counseling than is available on this forum. I believe you have other issues besides a GS and wish you both the best of luck.

Mike

[smartin108]

Originally Posted by mikec

Good morning,

I’m an old guy…63 years of age and married to the same lady for 42 years. We’ve seen bad times, good time, births, deaths, war (Well, me anyway.), and serious health issues. Not once in all those years did my wife ever take the position of "we were going to get you what you wanted." Also, I’ve never taken that stance with my wife. No offense intended, but that is a child-like statement. Dedicated couples don’t do that for two reasons: love and respect for each other.

I sincerely hope you and your wife will get more counseling than is available on this forum. I believe you have other issues besides a GS and wish you both the best of luck.

Mike

I agree completely.

[Chiba]

Women come & go, but a great bike can last a million miles.



That is said tongue-in-cheek. My wife, though we do not always see eye-to-eye on... well, anything ...after a few years of no bike, she MADE me buy another motorcycle. We're both a lot happier now than when I was bikeless.

In all seriousness, life is a series of compromises. Sounds like you're in a prime place to make one.

--chiba

[PunchBuggy]

My wife wanted to control the money in he marriage. She went so far as to suggest my paycheck be deposited in her checking account where I don't have access. I went ahead and bought my dream anyway, going against her demands. When I arrived home from work, she had brought her parents over to convince me to return it. This was not because she was worried about my safety, this was because she wanted to have control over the finances, thinking primarily about her financial security. This brought the issues to the forefront, then counseling and divorce. This was not about the motorcycle at all, but a serious underlying problem. A main rule of marriage is: if it is not okay to your spouse for you to be who you really are, you need to get out. Not caring about the dreams of the other spouse is a serious, serious problem. If you love her, please get counseling and get to the bottom of it.

[ipshr]

Hard to give advice without knowing the good qualities of the wife. If she is otherwise the "GS of wives", then take some trips and rent a bike. If she is more of a Honda dirt bike, it might be time to upgrade.

I remember right after I ordered my GS, my friend's wife said "Don't let my husband see that BMW catalog. He has wanted a GS forever, but I told him It was me or the bike." My wife said "I would never say that." When asked "Why not?", I chimed in and said "Because she wouldn't like the answer."

I guess I would say it's probably not really about the bike - it is about resources, autonomy, and balance. I know when I bought mine I bought my wife a riding jacket and a helmet. I knew she had no interest in riding on it at the time, but I figured it gave her the option to come if she wanted. A lot of women see a motorcycle as a wheeled vehicle to get away from them, when in reality it can be a fun shared experience. She now rides with me sometimes and found she loves it. It does not have to be a divider in your relationship, but may be a vehicle to take her on some great adventures.

And don't overestimate how awesome the bike is. A GS is great but far from perfect. Anyone on here can tell you that much like your relationship, there are plenty of recalls to deal with every year and you still have to perform regular maintenance.

Good luck with that.

[pdxrmccgs]

Previous post: "there are plenty of recalls to deal with every year"

False statement.

[Tooth]

Having just come out of 4 years in divorce court and a horrible last 10 years of a 24 year marriage this stuff hurts bad to hear.
In those miserable last 10 years I/we went to counseling, priests, ministers, psychologists and social workers. Not to mention the numerous books and tapes I listened to.....I could write a book.
Gottman...Seven Principles of making a marriage work.......something like that. Great book, easy read....

Seek out a good counselor my friend, be willing to listen and communicate....if she wont reciprocate you have trouble.
I wish you both well. THere is more at stake here than a motorcycle.....